Consider actually reading the article next time!

From the article:

I invited her back to my place. She wasted no time finding my sheets, and I’m not talking about Google’s. Not to mention how adamant she was in the car ride home about using libre software: Her spirit was as free as her ideologies. So she was in for a treat.

and

I nutted in O(1), but it felt like O(n3).

Reading the article helps you avoid embarrassing mistakes, like taking a wildly satirical parody article as fact because you only read the headline