Man, that was a tough read - not that anything you write is unreasonable! Very glad you didn't throw yourself off that bridge.

I wish I could say, "The world will get better", but I don't think either of us believe that. All we have are fleeting moments of joy, and yes, those do make life worth living for at least some of us.

I saw Eddie Izzard do standup once - it was brilliant - but periodically he would stop and shake his head and say, "It all ends in tears" - both funny and very very poignant.

I used to see the good moments and say, "That will be a memory I will cherish forever," but now I think there isn't really enough time in my left remember very many new memories, so what's the point?

I have no real idea, but I consider that the trip itself is the point. I don't think any better meaning or aspiration will come up, so that'll have to do.

Very best wishes, and hello from Rouen, which looks to be where we are going to settle down.