So sorry this happened to you.

For compassionate, ethical people, if you don't have your conscience, then you have nothing. So good for you. And glad you have come to a soft landing outside Russia.

My father was a Russian translator and interpreter, and yet he never got to visit Russia. (This was cause and effect - he could not get a visa because of his work.)

He spoke often of the cruelty of the Soviet government and at the same time, of the warmth of the Russian people.

I strongly recommend to you Hedrick Smith's book, "The Russians". It's old enough that some of this will be history you don't know, and it's written by someone who clearly loves Russia, while being realistic about the bad parts.